A few weeks ago my kids asked my husband if he had ever been to jail. He said “yes” and then explained his story of underage drinking while away at college. Instead of calling his mom he chose to spend the weekend in the small town Sanpete County jail.
Then they asked me if I had been to jail and I proudly replied “No!” My husband piped in and said “but she should have!”
The first few years of our marriage were rough. We had gnarly fights where I threw bar stools, open cans of soda, dish rags, cell phones, or any other objects I could chuck at him in the heat of the moment. Once I punched a hole in the wall. Another time I attacked him when he wouldn’t apologize for saying something pretty awful to me – I scratched and clawed at his head and face, he would throw me off and I kept going back for more. Almost every fight we had turned into horrible screaming matches with no resolution to the conflict whatsoever.
While he wasn’t innocent in any of these situations, I was so easily triggered and very much still in my own victimhood. I had no tools or skills to cope back then.
Thank God I’m not in those places anymore! Now I have some really cool tools from Access Consciousness® that I use when we get ornery with each other so it doesn’t have to escalate far at all.
Last week we celebrated our 15th anniversary. I reflected back upon our marriage and am really proud and excited of how far we’ve come. This past year I have come to a level of deep gratitude and appreciation for my husband and all that he does for me. It wasn’t easy to get to where we are now but I’m so grateful we’re here! How does it get any better than this?
So why am I sharing this story with you?
1. Because I’m willing to be vulnerable, ugly warts and all. I’m willing to share my human-ness and imperfections to help others to heal their lives.
2. To help people understand that they don’t have to tolerate such misery in their lives, there IS another way! What else is possible?
3. Also, because I’m done judging myself for it. And because I’m done judging myself for it, I’m also willing to receive judgment from other people. And that brings incredible freedom!