(I wrote this post 5-6 months ago, but it still applies for dealing with the crazy life I currently live).
Last week I asked out loud, but to no available ears, “what would happen if mom didn’t clean the kitchen counter off constantly?” Today I looked at my kitchen and realized “This! This is what happens!” I shared my observation with my kids. My 12 year old said “wow, mom it does get bad!” Of course she quickly walked out of the room before I could ask her to pick anything up.
I’ve been on the clock at my part-time, work-at-home job today. I’ve taken 3 calls in 9 hours so it’s really chill and works with our family’s lifestyle. Today I was so exhausted that I pushed my love seat in front of my computer, turned on some YouTube DIY videos, turned up the volume of my work phone, and took a nap. For 2 hours I rested until the kids came home to infiltrate me with their demands.
Hubby took the boy child to a baseball game for some guy time. My oldest girl child had a headache and fell asleep early, recovering from her own lack of sleep. My 3 year old dragged me into the family room at 7:30 to tell me her chair was full of water and that she wanted to use my hair dryer to dry the chair. I shook my head. Sigh.
I began to take pictures of my home. My disaster. My inability to be a “proper” house wife and keep a clean house. Tears of overwhelm began to leak out of my eyes. Then I started to think about everything I do accomplish:
- The costume I have been creating for my daughter’s talent show next week.
- Getting up at 8am to have my son at the ball field by 8:30.
- Staying up until 2am, being the shoulder to cry on for a dear friend who is struggling.
- The clients I saw yesterday on 5 hours of sleep because I had insomnia and the little child had nightmares the night before.
- The errands I run – the grocery store, post office, library, bank…
- The day before when I worked a graveyard shift and snoozed on the couch all day while the little child played on the floor in front of me and watched her movie.
- Pick up kids from school; take them to ball practice, music lessons, chauffeur, chauffeur, chauffeur…
- More client sessions – I really love these because my work is so fulfilling!
- Meals that are cooked and dishes cleaned up.
- All of this is juggled with my hubby’s full time firefighter job. He’s gone 72 hours a week for that, and another 8 at his p.t. high school teaching job.
I decided to stop beating myself up. I ran an Access Consciousness™ clearing statement about the judgment I was feeling for not having a perfect house. Was it mine? No. I returned to sender with consciousness attached. Am I willing to release, destroy, and un-create all that? Yes! Right, wrong, good, bad, POD, POC, Boys, Shorts and Beyonds.™ (For more info about this awesome clearing statement and what all those silly words mean, click here).
Oh good! I can breathe again. I feel much better.
I hugged my little girl and told her how much I love her. The tears dried up. I realized that with my busy life, the house is often bumped to the bottom of the priority list, and I instantly became okay with that. Living life is so much more important. I reminded myself that my kids are going to remember me by, and feel more loved by me more for being at their games, making their costumes, reading bedtime stories, making them feel safe in the middle of the night, etc. than they ever will by us having a perfect house. Luckily, I have a partner who works alongside me to clean up our tornado zone. He does a much better job at keeping the clutter to a minimum. I’m better at deep cleaning and initiating projects. I’m super grateful we don’t have traditional marital roles because we make a great team!