I learned today that I no longer have to beat myself up. Really? I’m 36 years old and just now figuring this out! I’m not talking about beating myself up physically, but emotionally. You see, I started with bulimia when I was in 9th grade. I continued it throughout high school and stopped because I didn’t want my former husband to know. I fell madly in love with him when we met. At that time, I let go of the physical part, but never the emotional part. If I binged, but couldn’t purge, I would beat myself up at how bad I was. Even until recently.
This year, I’ve decided to get a little healthier. It’s actually a journey I’ve been on for several years. I tried Weight Watchers a few years ago (among other diets) and after feeling far too hungry and pumped with unhealthy, processed foods, I QUIT! I promised myself never to do another diet again. Since then I have made gradual lifestyle changes for my better health. I bought a flour mill and started making flour from whole grains and experimenting with recipes. The next year I bought a VitaMix high powered blender and use it to make green smoothies almost every day and even homemade, dairy free and sugar free ice cream.
But despite these changes, I couldn’t get over the emotional part of splurging on a treat or even binging when dealing with an emotional issue. I’ve been reading a book by Tres Hatch, called Miracle Pill. In this book she talks about having treats and not even going to the place of emotional beat-up. She encourages people to have treats, but gives healthy alternatives, in addition to saying “if you want a brownie, have a brownie!” Just make the rest of your meals that day better and healthier.
Sunday, I spent the afternoon with my amazing BFF’s, having a brunch where there is always an abundance of delicious, and sometimes unhealthy, eats. My only goal at this brunch was to not gorge myself with food. I did great! I even had a yummy trifle with cake, raspberries, white chocolate and whipped cream. I muscle tested with my body to see if my body was okay to eat it. Body said yes, so I indulged! It was so delicious and I allowed myself to savor it. The next day I was surprised that I didn’t feel any guilt or desire to punish myself for it. I made the decision to eat very well with lots of healthy fruits, veggies and whole grains for the next day. I’m very happy with the turnout and find this to be a much more loving approach to treats than I’ve ever allowed myself to experience before.
I would love to hear how your 2012 goals are coming along. Are you beating yourself up for flaws and imperfections? Or are you allwoing yourself to be human and move on without punishment? Be gentle with yourself, yet still stay focused on your goal!