My husband was recently expressing some feelings about someone he knows. He has grown to not enjoy being around this person because “they’re always chipper and overly happy… to the point of being fake.” He has shared several times about this person’s overly cheery and exuberant attitude. This time, he added that it seems fake. Knowing some of the trials this person has experienced, my hubby’s assessment may be accurate.
I recently attended a class that a friend of mine was speaking at. She talked about how people walk around with a fake smile one their face, pretending everything is just fine. When deep down inside, they are hurting… perhaps even dying. Their personal relationships are blah. Their goals and dreams have faded to a faint glimmer. They go through the motions every day, trying to numb out this nagging feeling that something is missing or incomplete. They stay fat, sick, broke, alone and unfulfilled.
I have felt this way before. I was a complainer, never taking any accountability for how I was showing up and what I was bringing forth in my life, and always blaming someone else. When I wasn’t complaining about how miserable I was, I was walking around with a happy face pretending that life was grand. Deep inside, I was dying and even had a suicide attempt to prove it. It wasn’t until I started to get real with my feelings and emotions, and allow myself to go through them, rather than trying to avoid them, that I started to experience happiness. It wasn’t until I started taking accountability for my choices and feelings that my life started to change and improve.
It’s sort of ironic that putting on a happy face and pretending everything is ok, simply isn’t the way to happiness, but that we must feel the contrast of “the dark side” to bring forth the joy and fulfillment we desire. Sometimes we have to face our demons and “slay the monster.” The only way to do this is to get real. Pull the skeletons out of the closet and lay them all out on the table. Sounds much easier said than to actually do it. It can be excruciatingly painful to run through the ring of fire and feel the feelings and do the forgiving of yourself and others, but it’s totally necessary if it is happiness and joy that you seek. Sometimes it takes the assistance of a healer, coach or mentor to help you see your patterns and give you some tools to incinerate those skeletons. But once everything is said and done, the difference in your life will be AMAZING!
What monsters are you ready to let go of in 2012? I would love to hear your feedback of what you would like to let go of, or if you already have gone through the ring of fire, what worked and was helpful for you.