Sometimes being a parent, being an empath, and dealing with your whining, screaming children is like adding air to a raging fire! Empaths take on the emotions of other people. There are things you can do to shield yourself from the intense energy of others, but they’re not fool proof. Tonight was one of those nights.
My son and his dad spent last Sunday building a Lego car together. Our three year old got a hold of it tonight and broke part of it. My son had already been whining and screaming at me and his sisters off and on all evening so my patience with him was slim to none. He sat on the stairs screaming and carrying on about the broken car for a good 20 minutes. I told him to take the pieces to his room and have his dad help him restore it when he returned home from work on Thursday. The screaming and crying continued. I went outside to dump a bucket of scraps into my compost. It has been raining off and on all day so my windows were open. I heard the three year old start screaming bloody murder. I knew he’d hurt her because he was mad.
I ran in the house. As I was heading to his bedroom I felt my own rage building. But I felt that gentle voice say to me “if you hurt him you will destroy him.” I thought “what am I supposed to do?” So I went in and told him that he would be losing computer and iPod privileges until he returned home from school next Monday (today is Tuesday). He began wailing “how am I supposed to get revenge on her for breaking my stuff?”
I said “you know, when you were three, no one got revenge on you for destroying things. It’s just part of having a little person in the house. It happens to ALL of us. It’s frustrating and it even makes ME mad. But you can’t go around getting revenge by hurting her!” He continued screaming and wailing. I walked out of the room.
Being a parent is the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done! Sometimes I want to throw my hands in the air and be done with it. When you’re an empath and your kids are home from summer vacation, their fighting and squabbling is often more than you can take. There have been a few nights where I left the dinner table to go outside or to my bedroom to eat by myself. I’ve planned several outings with the kids where we went outdoors, in nature either fishing, camping, or hiking simply because that’s the one magical place where they don’t fight. And I can get some peace!
There’s a reason I didn’t have kids until I was 27: had I had them when I was 18 or 21 I would’ve been borderline abusive. I wouldn’t have had the patience, the wisdom, and the strong connection to my intuition that I have now. The tears are pouring as I write this because that is definitely not the kind of mother I want to be to them. Right now, my saving grace is that the two youngest are sound asleep. Tomorrow is a new day. And I also know that I only have SIX more days until school starts, with four of them being spent on a mini vacation! I’ll spend a few minutes in meditation, asking God and Archangel Gabriel, to support me a little more in raising these little people, whom I want to grow up to be good, loving, and kind.