Do you remember last summer reading the article about the little boy who asked his mailman for junk mail? Turns out the boy was desperate to have anything to read. His family couldn’t afford to buy books, nor could they afford bus fare to venture to the library. The mailman posted on Facebook a picture of the boy and his address and asked his friends to send books if they could. The message went viral and before long the boy had a shelf full of books.
I knew it was a tragedy to be a kid and not have any books, so I jumped in and sent the boy one of our favorite book series, The Wolves of the Beyond by Kathryn Lasky. I love being able to give in this way and it brings me incredible joy. Seeing the boy’s shelf full of books brought a smile to my face.
The other day I was thinking about him. I thought about how this event changed him. This will be a story he will likely tell his own grandchildren. This was probably a pivotal experience in this young boy’s journey, leaving him forever changed.
I wonder who he will be now because he was able to receive kindness from so many people from around the world? I wonder who he will grow into because of this? I wonder how many people he will help and how much kindness will he spread around the world? What kind of man will he be? What kind of work will he do because of this? These are just some of my musings as I think about this beautiful story, all because the mailman, Ron Lynch, knew this kid deserved to have some books.
To me, this goes further than buying someone’s cup of coffee. Not that there is anything wrong with that. An event like this changes lives. It restores people’s belief in humanity and that there is still goodness and kindness in the world. This event taught the boy that there are people who care and that they do nice things for others. What kinds of ripple effects will this create?
A few years ago I was behind 2 young girls in the grocery line. They were short on their purchase so I asked the cashier how much they needed. I gave the girls 50 cents or so and asked them if they knew what paying it forward means. They didn’t so I explained that when someone does something nice for them, they can turn around and do something nice for someone else. Their faces lit up, they gave me a big grin, and said “thank you!” What are the possibilities that they will go out into the world sharing kindness with others? That’s what it’s all about!!!
What kindnesses can you contribute to the world? Perhaps a sub-for-Santa at Christmas time, purchasing groceries for a family who lost a job, helping a friend move, taking dinner to a sick friend, writing “you matter” with sidewalk chalk at a nearby walkway, putting a $5 bill on the back of a public bathroom door with a cute note. There are so many things we can do!!! And don’t forget an important part, when it’s your turn to receive a random act of kindness, ALLOW YOURSELF TO RECEIVE! You deserve it too.
(I wrote this post 5-6 months ago, but it still applies for dealing with the crazy life I currently live).
Last week I asked out loud, but to no available ears, “what would happen if mom didn’t clean the kitchen counter off constantly?” Today I looked at my kitchen and realized “This! This is what happens!” I shared my observation with my kids. My 12 year old said “wow, mom it does get bad!” Of course she quickly walked out of the room before I could ask her to pick anything up.
I’ve been on the clock at my part-time, work-at-home job today. I’ve taken 3 calls in 9 hours so it’s really chill and works with our family’s lifestyle. Today I was so exhausted that I pushed my love seat in front of my computer, turned on some YouTube DIY videos, turned up the volume of my work phone, and took a nap. For 2 hours I rested until the kids came home to infiltrate me with their demands.
Hubby took the boy child to a baseball game for some guy time. My oldest girl child had a headache and fell asleep early, recovering from her own lack of sleep. My 3 year old dragged me into the family room at 7:30 to tell me her chair was full of water and that she wanted to use my hair dryer to dry the chair. I shook my head. Sigh.
I began to take pictures of my home. My disaster. My inability to be a “proper” house wife and keep a clean house. Tears of overwhelm began to leak out of my eyes. Then I started to think about everything I do accomplish:
- The costume I have been creating for my daughter’s talent show next week.
- Getting up at 8am to have my son at the ball field by 8:30.
- Staying up until 2am, being the shoulder to cry on for a dear friend who is struggling.
- The clients I saw yesterday on 5 hours of sleep because I had insomnia and the little child had nightmares the night before.
- The errands I run – the grocery store, post office, library, bank…
- The day before when I worked a graveyard shift and snoozed on the couch all day while the little child played on the floor in front of me and watched her movie.
- Pick up kids from school; take them to ball practice, music lessons, chauffeur, chauffeur, chauffeur…
- More client sessions – I really love these because my work is so fulfilling!
- Meals that are cooked and dishes cleaned up.
- All of this is juggled with my hubby’s full time firefighter job. He’s gone 72 hours a week for that, and another 8 at his p.t. high school teaching job.
I decided to stop beating myself up. I ran an Access Consciousness™ clearing statement about the judgment I was feeling for not having a perfect house. Was it mine? No. I returned to sender with consciousness attached. Am I willing to release, destroy, and un-create all that? Yes! Right, wrong, good, bad, POD, POC, Boys, Shorts and Beyonds.™ (For more info about this awesome clearing statement and what all those silly words mean, click here).
Oh good! I can breathe again. I feel much better.
I hugged my little girl and told her how much I love her. The tears dried up. I realized that with my busy life, the house is often bumped to the bottom of the priority list, and I instantly became okay with that. Living life is so much more important. I reminded myself that my kids are going to remember me by, and feel more loved by me more for being at their games, making their costumes, reading bedtime stories, making them feel safe in the middle of the night, etc. than they ever will by us having a perfect house. Luckily, I have a partner who works alongside me to clean up our tornado zone. He does a much better job at keeping the clutter to a minimum. I’m better at deep cleaning and initiating projects. I’m super grateful we don’t have traditional marital roles because we make a great team!
A few weeks ago my kids asked my husband if he had ever been to jail. He said “yes” and then explained his story of underage drinking while away at college. Instead of calling his mom he chose to spend the weekend in the small town Sanpete County jail.
Then they asked me if I had been to jail and I proudly replied “No!” My husband piped in and said “but she should have!”
The first few years of our marriage were rough. We had gnarly fights where I threw bar stools, open cans of soda, dish rags, cell phones, or any other objects I could chuck at him in the heat of the moment. Once I punched a hole in the wall. Another time I attacked him when he wouldn’t apologize for saying something pretty awful to me – I scratched and clawed at his head and face, he would throw me off and I kept going back for more. Almost every fight we had turned into horrible screaming matches with no resolution to the conflict whatsoever.
While he wasn’t innocent in any of these situations, I was so easily triggered and very much still in my own victimhood. I had no tools or skills to cope back then.
Thank God I’m not in those places anymore! Now I have some really cool tools from Access Consciousness® that I use when we get ornery with each other so it doesn’t have to escalate far at all.
Last week we celebrated our 15th anniversary. I reflected back upon our marriage and am really proud and excited of how far we’ve come. This past year I have come to a level of deep gratitude and appreciation for my husband and all that he does for me. It wasn’t easy to get to where we are now but I’m so grateful we’re here! How does it get any better than this?
So why am I sharing this story with you?
1. Because I’m willing to be vulnerable, ugly warts and all. I’m willing to share my human-ness and imperfections to help others to heal their lives.
2. To help people understand that they don’t have to tolerate such misery in their lives, there IS another way! What else is possible?
3. Also, because I’m done judging myself for it. And because I’m done judging myself for it, I’m also willing to receive judgment from other people. And that brings incredible freedom!
I don’t have a lot of weeds in my yard because I enjoy gardening, including pulling weeds. This morning glory (also known as bind weed) stuff, however, is a different story. It’s the bane of my existence! This spring I went out with a shovel and dug deep into the dirt, pulling out lots of morning glory by the roots. I did this twice! Then I went on a long, two-week vacation only to come back to a yard COVERED in this stupid bind weed. Ugh! I went out into the yard with my special homemade weed killer (see below for recipe) and a box of Ziploc sandwich bags. I know, weird combination, but if you shove the morning glory vines into the bags along with some of the homemade weed killer, it dies. I tried a few baggies full before my trip and the places I did it didn’t have as much re-growth.
As I was out filling dozens of baggies with pesky vines and my special vinegar solution, I started thinking about a very personal struggle I’ve been dealing with lately, or more likely all of my life. I got pissed off for a minute. Even had some tears. read more…
Sometimes being a parent, being an empath, and dealing with your whining, screaming children is like adding air to a raging fire! Empaths take on the emotions of other people. There are things you can do to shield yourself from the intense energy of others, but they’re not fool proof. Tonight was one of those nights.
My son and his dad spent last Sunday building a Lego car together. Our three year old got a hold of it tonight and broke part of it. My son had already been whining and screaming at me and his sisters off and on all evening so my patience with him was slim to none. He sat on the stairs screaming and carrying on about the broken car for a good 20 minutes. I told him to take the pieces to his room and have his dad help him restore it when he returned home from work on Thursday. The screaming and crying continued. I went outside to dump a bucket of scraps into my compost. It has been raining off and on all day so my windows were open. I heard the three year old start screaming bloody murder. I knew he’d hurt her because he was mad.
I ran in the house. As I was heading to his bedroom I felt my own rage building. But I felt that gentle voice say to me “if you hurt him you will destroy him.” I thought “what am I supposed to do?” So I went in and told him that he would be losing computer and iPod privileges until he returned home from school next Monday (today is Tuesday). He began wailing “how am I supposed to get revenge on her for breaking my stuff?”
I said “you know, when you were three, no one got revenge on you for destroying things. It’s just part of having a little person in the house. It happens to ALL of us. It’s frustrating and it even makes ME mad. But you can’t go around getting revenge by hurting her!” He continued screaming and wailing. I walked out of the room.
Being a parent is the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done! Sometimes I want to throw my hands in the air and be done with it. When you’re an empath and your kids are home from summer vacation, their fighting and squabbling is often more than you can take. There have been a few nights where I left the dinner table to go outside or to my bedroom to eat by myself. I’ve planned several outings with the kids where we went outdoors, in nature either fishing, camping, or hiking simply because that’s the one magical place where they don’t fight. And I can get some peace!
There’s a reason I didn’t have kids until I was 27: had I had them when I was 18 or 21 I would’ve been borderline abusive. I wouldn’t have had the patience, the wisdom, and the strong connection to my intuition that I have now. The tears are pouring as I write this because that is definitely not the kind of mother I want to be to them. Right now, my saving grace is that the two youngest are sound asleep. Tomorrow is a new day. And I also know that I only have SIX more days until school starts, with four of them being spent on a mini vacation! I’ll spend a few minutes in meditation, asking God and Archangel Gabriel, to support me a little more in raising these little people, whom I want to grow up to be good, loving, and kind.